I never fucking learn

I should be working on my stats assignment but once again, the subject matter is kicking my ass. And it isn’t even because I don’t understand the material—actually, I’m fairly good at the shit considering that I used to work in market research for a year and give presentations to brand managers and shit. So, it’s not that I am dumb because I am fucking up this assignment but it is because I have to use this computer program, STATA, in order to do my analysis of the work. OK, so maybe I should have started it earlier, but my social life has been kick ass this week.

First of all, isn’t ironic that my impediment to stats the first time around was the lack of computer program, and this time it’s because I am forced to use this crappy computer program—it’s like I can’t fucking win. Secondly, what is the point of learning this coding bullshit, I mean, it’s going to get outsourced to India anyway, you know?

So, I’ve been sitting at my desk for the last, literally, six hours re-inputting code, that I can’t manage to write because I am far from detail orientated and consistently forget to add the comma, or misspell something. Which, when you are working in code, it’s a fucking nightmare. Each time I don’t notice the missing comma, I spend about twenty minutes trying to figure out why I can’t get the data to output. After searching through books, the help section, and re-reading all of the commands, it comes down to a spacing issue or a capitalization error. I then spend about twenty minutes crying afterwards, wishing for a man to take care of me so I wouldn’t have to use this degree, unless absolutely necessary.

But the worst part of it all is the fucking class. The teacher doesn’t teach, instead she reads aloud from a handout and answers our questions on the material with the phrase, “If you just read the hand out…” I’m sorry, I’m not paying fucking forty grand to read a fucking hand out. You’re lucky I’m not asking you to come to the bathroom with me and read the handout aloud as I take a shit, ok?

So, if you haven’t noticed, I am fucking frustrated. I am going to fail this assignment, and there is no penis that I can exploit in giving me a second chance. Welcome to grad school, Shannon. Why the fuck did I decide to do this in the first place?

Oh, and the best part? I’m going through nicotine withdrawals as all the places where I can buy cigarettes are closed right now. I smoked all my cigarettes after chugging about fifteen drinks and humping the floor. Twenty-four hours without a cigarette and I have such a headache, in addition to the tears in my eyes.

I fucking deserve this, especially since tonight is my first sober night in five days. But, you know what, it was kinda worth it in a sick fucking way. I just keep telling myself, that in the grand scheme of things, one bad grade isn’t going to destroy my chances to graduate with a distinction, right?